I’m on the porch watching a butterfly and bumble bee dancing through the rhododendron. My knees (and shins and feet) are still dirty from the garden. The garden that I thought would never get planted is a sea of green, the peas and greens and broccoli lost among the weeds. I look at all those weeds and think of the laundry piled up and the bags still to unpack from my weekend trip and the make up work that got sidelined as I focused on my dad’s health and my mom’s retirement party, and I’m overwhelmed.
My kids are exhausted and volatile from staying up too late the past two weekends for family events. My big girl is at the end of preschool. I don’t know if this transition is more momentous for me than her. And they are out of sorts, not quite getting the seriousness of the situation with my dad, but sense my stress and distracted attention.
So I look at that weeding that needs to get done and the laundry piles and the bags to be unpacked. I look at all the items that got shifted from my to-do list to my do-later list. I’ve barely written the past weeks, and I didn’t run at all last week, even though I know these two things help keep me balanced.
I don’t even know where to start, so I start small: two loads of laundry in the morning, one bag unpacked and tucked away, the quick emails and check ins for work just so I can cross multiple items off the list. Then I went for a run because my body needed it and my mind needed it. I came back with less time to get things done, but more focused, less overwhelmed.
I look at the garden again and decide I’ll start with the peas because they need it most. I work my way through one row and start the next, while my big girl cuts lettuce for a salad. Every time I look up at all the weeds to pull (and the flowers to deadhead and the green beans to plant and . . . ) I take deep breathe and refocus on the row I’m working on. I take a sip of my ice coffee and savor the shade as I dump the weed bucket. I take a break to push my garden helper on the swing, and when her TV show is on, I sit on the porch and watch the butterflies and the bees and take a minute to write, because we both need a little down time. It will all get done—one row, one bag, one load at a time—or I’ll figure out that some of it doesn’t need to get done at all.
Take a minute to write, Just Write.
I love the freedom of realizing that some things don’t need to get done at all, and everything else will happen a little bit at a time. It is so easy to get overwhelmed by the big picture and do nothing well, and leave the important things (like deep breaths and writing) undone completely.
I know, Tracie, doesn’t it feel good to realize you can let some things go? Deep breaths is my fallback when I can’t run or write.
This post takes me back to a time not so long ago when I was the daughter who carried Mom through cancer treatments. I remember that feeling of being totally overwhelmed. I wish I had kept taking better care of ME during that time. Please know that it is so important to keep running and writing! And you are very right to focus on little tasks. Hang in there! I am new to your blog, but hope to get to know you and what is going on behind this post…
Welcome, Branson, and thanks for coming by!
Last week was particularly crazy, and I decided that the short term letting go of writing and running made sense, but I knew I needed to get back to it this week. I just read your post on boredom, and while you were talking about kids, I wouldn’t mind the time to be a little bored myself.
Ah yes, the writing and the running keep me grounded as well. As I fear myself losing that now that I am back at work I started running- ok walk/running again on the weekend. That has me feeling optimistic I will not get too lost. I do hope your dad’s health issues resolve as that is a big extra worry.
Sara, I LOVE your new site! Congrats on planting all these wonderful seeds and for continuing to listen to what your mind and body need! Brava! I look forward to reading!
xo
Kate